When the Heart Gets Stuck in Yesterday’s Pain
I have a confession to make. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but when I was in high school, I hardly ever read the books we were supposed to have read in English class. I read the Cliffs Notes study guides and got by. I mean, who’s got time for homework? Right?
But a decade later, I decided to go back and get that high school reading list and actually read the books!
Great Expectations was one of my favorites. It showed me just what can happen with a heart that stays stuck on a solitary disappointment.
In the story, Miss Havisham is an elderly recluse who lives in a dilapidated mansion. When the main character, a young boy named Pip, is taken to her Gothic estate, he sees a dismal old brick structure with partially boarded-up windows, rusted iron gates, and an overgrown garden. But more startling than the rundown appearance of the outside of the house is what he finds inside.
Miss Havisham, the lady of the manor known as Satis House, sits in a tattered and yellowed wedding gown that hangs over her skeletal frame. Paper-thin skin wraps itself around her claw-like hands. A rotting veil rests upon her gray wispy hair. One shoe sits on a side table, as if waiting to be placed on her foot with the other. Bridal flowers, now long dead, adorn her head.
To add to the oddities, Pip notices that every clock in the room has stopped at twenty minutes till nine. In fact, every clock in the house ticked its last at twenty minutes till nine.
Pip later learns that many years before, Miss Havisham had been dressing for her wedding day when she received the heart-rending news that her fiancé had run off with another woman. He would not be marrying her after all.
From that moment on, life stopped for Miss Havisham.
Every room was left as it was. Miss Havisham patted her heart, looked at Pip, and said, “Broken.” She had sacrificed her future happiness on the altar of her past pain, refusing to let it go.
The apostle Paul wrote, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice” (Ephesians 4:31 NIV).
The Greek word translated bitterness is pikria, which means bitterness or harshness. As Paul uses the word, it conveys an embittered or resentful spirit. The root word pik sounds like what it means: pick, prick, or cut. It can refer to a sharp or pointed object or a bitter, sharp taste. Used figuratively, it describes “that angry and resentful state of mind that can develop when we undergo troubles.”
When we keep picking at the scab of past pain, refusing to allow the wound to heal, we will become bitter.
And bitterness spawns other undesirable emotions and actions. Look at the words Paul tethers to bitterness: rage, anger, brawling, slander, malice. A bitter root will produce bitter fruit. It has no choice.
This is what happens when we, like Miss Havisham, hold our fingers on the hands of the clock to stop life from moving forward. A bitter heart is a clock stuck in yesterday. It keeps replaying yesterday when God is calling us forward today.
Of course, life forges ahead, clock or no clock. It is only the ticking clock of the heart that stays stuck as the world continues to spin.
So how do we break free of broken clock of bitterness that refuses move forward. Paul wrote: “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12-14 NIV).
Forgetting doesn’t mean erasing something from your memory. It means putting it behind you and no longer allowing it to control your mind, will, and emotions. It’s a conscious refusal to let it absorb your attention.
In the end, Miss Havisham set about to make everybody around her just as miserable as she was. And when it comes down to it, that’s what a bitter heart does. I don’t want to be that person, and I know you don’t either.
So today, let’s restart the stuck clock. Let go of the pain, and decide with every ounce of your being and by the power of the Holy Spirit… to move forward.
Heavenly Father, show me any roots of bitterness toward anyone that I have growing in my heart. Help me unearth the tap root so that it will be destroyed completely. And help me to move past the hurt and forward with the healing. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Is there something from your past that God may be asking you to release today? Can you name it? If so, leave a comment and let’s share. If you’d rather not name it, then just say “yes.”
Digging Deeper
It is so easy to get stuck in a bad chapter of your life. Maybe today is the day to take your finger off the hands of yesterday’s clock and let God start your heart moving forward again.
My heart aches for my sisters in Christ to live free. That’s why I wrote this book. This is the message that helped me move forward after years of being stuck in the pain of my own past.
When You Don’t Like Your Story: What if Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories can help you get there too.
Perhaps you have a friend who’s stuck in a painful part of her past. This would be a wonderful gift to help her move forward again. Includes a bible study guide.
