When Abiding Isn’t Calm

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.” (John 15:4 ESV)

Abide is a Bible word. You won’t read it in an opinion column or a social media status update. You won’t hear it in conversations at a coffee shop. You probably don’t use it in the office, classroom, gym, grocery store, or even around the dinner table with family and friends. But you might hear it at church, see it on a Christian coffee mug, or find it framed on a church member’s wall. We might even ask one another, “Are you abiding in Jesus?” 

How we answer that question depends on how we understand the meaning of abide. For many of us, the word brings to mind a deep connection with Jesus, as it should. As John 15:5 says, He is the vine; we are the branches. 

In Christian circles, we often associate this deep connection with a particular setting or feeling. We might picture a tidy home with dishes washed and beds made, scented candles burning, and quiet music playing as we sit down for an uninterrupted quiet time. Maybe we imagine ourselves beside a campfire with an open Bible on our knees, in a grassy field with our hands raised in praise, or kneeling at a well-worn pew in a quiet church. Whatever setting we may imagine for abiding, one feature is often the same: a sense of calm. If our heart feels calm or if the setting is sufficiently calm, we conclude we are abiding in Jesus. 

But what about those many times when life isn’t calm? When we feel flustered getting the kids out the door for school, frustrated by a hard conversation, discouraged by spiritual drought, or challenged by painful circumstances. Does this mean we have failed to abide? Is abiding only for naturally disciplined people who can keep it all together? Only for seasons when all is well with the world? Only for women who don’t seem to struggle spiritually? Or could it be that our assumptions are mistaken—that we often learn to abide most deeply in chaos rather than calm? 

Because abide is a Bible word, we should use it the way the Bible does. Whatever it may have come to mean for us personally, what Jesus means is what truly matters. How well does our understanding match what He intended? 

In John 15, when Jesus commanded His disciples to abide in Him, circumstances were far from calm. As He celebrated the Passover with His disciples, Jesus spoke of Judas’ coming betrayal, Peter’s denial, and the disciples’ abandonment (13:2, 36; 16:32). He knew that outside the walls of the room, the Jewish leaders were seeking to kill Him (11:53). He knew He was returning to His Father and that, at first, the disciples wouldn’t understand (16:5–6). 

On that night, with danger on all sides, Jesus told His disciples to abide in Him—not in spite of the increasing darkness but because of it. He also told them why they needed to abide: “I have told you these things to keep you from stumbling” (John 16:1). He wasn’t inviting the disciples into tranquil rest; He was calling them to courage in the face of His coming crucifixion. 

Abide means “to remain” (John 15:4 NIV). In other passages, this same word is translated as dwell, live, stay, endure, or continue. The opposite of abiding is to leave, move on, or, as Andrew Murray describes, to wander away from Jesus.¹

In the chaos of Jesus’ arrest and crucifixion, our Savior knew all would seem lost. His disciples would have every opportunity to doubt and depart. If ever they needed the reminder to stay with Him, to abide, that was the moment. Not while calmly sitting beside the Sea of Galilee but while confronted by an angry, armed mob arresting their Lord in a dark garden. How important His words were in that moment: “Abide in me.” Stay with me. How important those words are for us today. 

When Jesus calls us to abide in Him, He isn’t talking about ambience or feelings; He’s talking about faith. On the night of His death, His disciples needed to keep believing in Him no matter what happened (John 13:19; 14:1, 11–12, 29; 17:8), and we need to do the same. Then and now, Jesus calls us to stay with Him, to hold fast, and to remain connected to Him, the One True Vine, whether all is well or everything seems to be falling apart. The purpose of abiding isn’t to feel a certain way but to live a certain way.It is only when we abide in Jesus, and He in us, that we grow to be fruitfully obedient in any and every circumstance (15:5).

Abiding is as simple—and as challenging—as continuing to trust Jesus throughout life’s ups and downs. Difficult circumstances don’t hinder us from abiding in Jesus; they are often the soil in which we grow to abide in Him more deeply. 

How We Can Abide

How else can we bear fruit as disciples in hard situations? We need to hold fast to Jesus, because apart from Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5). Abiding in Jesus, then, is not something reserved for quiet houses or peaceful hearts. It is the work of everyday life, whatever each day brings. Jesus goes on to describe three ordinary ways we abide in Him, whether life feels calm or chaotic. 

1. Stay in Jesus’ Word. 

Abiding in Jesus begins with His words abiding in us (John 15:7). From one Sunday to the next, how many messages do we hear from our culture telling us what to value, what to think, what to love, what to do with our time and money, where to find our worth? Yet those messages will never tell us that we are valuable because we’re made in God’s image and because Jesus died for us. Not one voice will say, “Hold fast to Jesus no matter what.” 

We need God’s Word to speak more loudly in our lives than the words of the world. Just like a branch must remain in the vine to live and bear fruit, we must abide in God’s Word. 

On Jesus’ most chaotic night, He didn’t stop speaking to His disciples, and in our most difficult moments, He doesn’t stop speaking to us. How do we abide in Jesus when our to-do list feels endless, our teenagers can’t stop arguing, the appliances all break at once, our husband loses his job, a friend walks away from the Lord, or a loved one is diagnosed with cancer? Whether we feel close to Jesus or not, we remain in Him when we stay in His Word—when we live on His promises and believe what He says. We don’t merely consult His Word as one option among many; we cling to it like a drowning person clings to a life preserver. Jesus’ Word becomes the standard by which we measure everything else. 

2. Stay in Jesus’ love. 

To abide in Jesus is to abide in His love (John 15:10). Doing so makes us gospel women—women whose strength comes from the reality that Jesus loves us and died to make us His own. We give love because we are loved. Are we living in Jesus’ love today? 

If we go through the day carrying a low-grade sense of guilt or feeling as though we can never do “enough” to please God, we’re not abiding in Jesus’ love. If we believe God is perpetually disappointed in us or assume He may love us but doesn’t really like us, then we are not abiding in His love. 

When we find ourselves in that place, we need to return again to the gospel. Look at the cross! Jesus loves us. God didn’t save us because He needs us but because we need Him. We were still sinners when Christ died for us (Rom. 5:8). Salvation is not an exchange—“I give you this, God, and You give me that.” His love is all gift, all grace, received by repentance and faith. And by faith we stay in the love of Jesus. We make it our home. We wake up to it and go to sleep in it. Here, in the love of Christ, we live. 

3. Stay in Jesus’ commandments. 

One final way we abide in Jesus is by obeying Him. In John 15:10, Jesus says, “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love” (ESV). We cannot give Jesus our lives without also giving Him our hearts. But when He has our whole heart, then Jesus has our whole life too. Obedience overflows from hearts that are already rooted in Jesus—in His Word and in His love. 

How did Jesus resist Satan in the wilderness? By obeying His beloved Father’s Word (Matt. 4:1–11). Jesus calls this Word-born, love-born obedience bearing fruit: “Whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5 ESV). The fruit of gospel obedience grows from hearts that treasure Him. A woman who treasures Jesus will desire to obey Him. 

Bearing much fruit doesn’t depend on our skills or our circumstances. If we wait for life to become perfect before we obey, we simply never will, because life is never perfect. Thankfully, every circumstance, easy or difficult, provides an opportunity to do God’s will. We can bear fruit right here, exactly where He has placed us. We can abide in Jesus every day, even when peace and calm feel like distant memories. 

Abiding in Every Season

Yes, we can abide in Jesus when the house is calm and when all seems well in our world. But we can also abide in Jesus when we spill coffee on our clothes, when we’re running late for the next meeting, or when we run out of gas on the way to school drop-off. We can abide in Him when our house feels too small for our growing family, when a friend disappoints us, or when a storm floods the basement. We can abide in Him when our toddlers seem bent on disobedience, when we feel stuck in a conflict with our spouse, or when our attitudes seem fixed in complain mode. 

Firmly rooted in Jesus’ love and His Word, we continue to obey Him right in the middle of the chaos. Right here, right now, we can—and must—abide in Jesus. Abiding in Him might not make our lives calm, but it will do something even better: it will fill us with His joy (John 15:11).

¹ Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ (NavPress, 2018), 9.