The Addiction We All Have (And What to Do About It)
You walk away from a conversation and wonder, Should I have said that? Did I just sound like a total idiot? Maybe I should have said something else.
Before you go to a party, you text at least two other people to find out what they’re wearing so that you don’t wear the wrong thing.
You sit at an awards ceremony secretly pleading for your name not to be called so you won’t have to go up in front of everyone else. But when your name isn’t called, you wonder, Why didn’t I win? What did I do wrong?
When given the opportunity to pray publicly you stare at your shoelaces thinking, No way. I know I’ll sound stupid if I have to pray out loud.
The thought of sharing the gospel with someone makes you break into a cold sweat.
Do you see yourself in any of those examples? I know I certainly do. If one or more of those scenarios resonate with you, congratulations. You, like the rest of us, are addicted to what Scripture calls the fear of man.
Addiction? Really?
Don’t think you’re addicted? According to the Silicon Beach Treatment Center, addiction can be identified using four c’s: compulsive behavior, cravings, negative consequences, and loss of control.1 Let’s hold man-fearing behavior up to that standard and see what we find out.
Compulsive Behavior
This means that you can’t stop your behavior. If you’ve ever tried to stop thinking about what other people think of you only to have those thoughts uncontrollably come back into your mind, you’ve got yourself a compulsion. You can’t not do it. (At least, that’s how it feels.)
Cravings
You do what you do because you want what you want. Often our fear of man issues are tied to an idolatrous desire for the approval of people. We want to be liked, appreciated, and esteemed so much that we’re willing to sin in order to get those things; or if we fail to get them, then we sin. For instance, you would rather fail to share the gospel than risk your reputation with a friend, neighbor, or coworker.
Negative Consequences
Addicts continue their behavior without thought of the consequences. For us fear-of-man addicts, this means that we don’t pay attention to biblical warnings, like this one:
The fear of mankind is a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is protected. (Proverbs 29:25)
Despite the warning, we persist in our man-fearing ways, paying no heed to the consequences.
Loss of Control
This takes us back to the beginning. Rather than choosing not to fear other people, you do it without thinking. You need to have that approval in one form or another. You can’t stand to think about people not liking or thinking highly of you.
While certainly more socially acceptable than drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, addiction to the fear of people can have devastating and paralyzing consequences. Thankfully, the Word of God gives us hope for gaining victory over this very serious addiction.
Fight Addiction with Fear
Though it may seem overly simplistic, the remedy for the fear of man really isn’t complicated: the fear of the Lord.
While the remedy, on its surface, seems basic, that’s where the simplicity ends. Defining the fear of God can feel like trying to nail Grandma’s Jello Jigglers to the wall. In responding to the question “What does it mean to fear God?” on the Ask Pastor John podcast, John Piper gave this response: “Fearing is corresponding with humility and lowliness and sensitivity of heart. The sheer majesty of God, as well as the holiness, and justice, and power, and wrath of God, cannot be approached in a cavalier spirit.”2 To put it another way, fearing the Lord is recognizing who God is and responding appropriately.
Scripture talks about the fear of the Lord in many places, but let’s consider just one passage. Psalm 34 was apparently written after David’s narrow escape from Achish, king of the Philistines. On the run from maniacal King Saul, David turns to Israel’s priest, gets armed with Goliath’s sword and then flees to Gath (ironically, Goliath’s hometown). Perhaps David thought the sword would give him some street-cred, but King Achish would have none of it. In order to get out of the tight spot, David pretended to be insane and ran away.
Out of this experience came Psalm 34.
We know Psalm 34 for its bold declarations: “I will bless the LORD at all times” (v. 1), and “Taste and see that the LORD is good” (v. 8). And while David is declaring his thanksgiving for being rescued from his enemies, the psalm is about more than gratitude—it’s about fearing God. Read verses 7–11 and note the emphasis on fearing the Lord:
The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and rescues them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good.
How happy is the person who takes refuge in him!
You who are his holy ones, fear the LORD,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
Young lions lack food and go hungry,
but those who seek the LORD will not lack any good thing.
Come, children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD. (Psalm 34:7–11)
“I Will Teach You the Fear of the LORD”
David keeps his promise to teach the listener the fear of the Lord by revealing God to us. As he recalls his interaction with the Philistines in Gath, he doesn’t mention feigning madness or the sword of Goliath; instead, he shows us God’s character.
God Is Your Deliverer
I sought the LORD, and he answered me and rescued me from all my fears. (v. 4)
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him from all his troubles. (v. 6)
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears,
and rescues them from all their troubles. (v. 17)One who is righteous has many adversities,
but the LORD rescues him from them all. (v. 19)
My guess is that you haven’t had enemies breathing down your neck and trying to snuff out your life recently. But God is still your deliverer. He has defeated death and the grave (1 Cor. 15) and disarmed our opponent, giving us victory in Christ (Col. 2:14–15). We must fear God because He heard our cry from the pit of hell, offered us His only Son, and transferred us from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of His beloved Son (1 Pet. 2:9).
God Is Your Provider
You who are his holy ones, fear the LORD,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
Young lions lack food and go hungry,
but those who seek the LORD will not lack any good thing. (vv. 9–10)
Not only did God provide eternal life, but He also promises to take care of our daily needs. As sure as He clothes the flowers of the field and cares for the sparrows of the air, He will provide for those who fear Him (Matt. 6:25–33).
God Is Your Refuge
Taste and see that the LORD is good.
How happy is the person who takes refuge in him!The LORD redeems the life of his servants,
and all who take refuge in him will not be punished. (vv. 8, 22)
One of the hallmarks of addiction is that the substance or activity to which a person is addicted makes promises it could never keep. Drugs or alcohol promise comfort and solace, but they deliver the opposite: isolation, depression, and more problems. Addiction to the fear of man is no different. We may think that we will find peace and happiness if we just get the approval of the right people, but that promise always comes up short. Only the fear of the Lord delivers on the promise of peace, hope, comfort, and joy. When we run to Him as our refuge and make Him our dwelling place in every generation (Psalm 90:1), we will know true joy.
We’re all addicted to the fear of man, but we don’t have to be. As we lift our eyes to our Deliverer, Provider, and Refuge, we find the way out of the snare.
Don’t miss our Spring Sale! Shop now through April 30 to save on meaningful gifts to help moms, dads, couples, and grads thrive in Christ!
1 “The 4 C’s of Addiction Explained,” https://siliconbeachtx.com/four-cs-of-addiction/. Accessed Jan 13, 2025.
2 John Piper, “What Does It Mean for the Christian to Fear God?,” https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/what-does-it-mean-for-the-christian-to-fear-god. Accessed on Jan 13, 2025.
