Dying to self doesn’t mean obliteration
By Elizabeth Prata
We are told to love the Lord with all our heart, mind, strength and soul. We are told to serve with gusto, and not just when the boss is around, but all the time. We are told to die to self.
But how do we balance serving and dying to self, and avoiding burnout so we can keep serving? I mean, should we even avoid burnout? We must serve with excellence, but does that mean serve to the point of exhaustion, even death? Paul did. Charles Spurgeon did. Paul even said he is poured out like a drink offering, signaling his willingness to serve to the death of a martyr, Philippians 2:17, 2 Timothy 4:6.
Christian self-sacrifice does not mean burnout, nor does it require a continuous state of emotional, physical, or spiritual depletion. At most times, busy-ness does not even mean efficiency, productivity, or effectiveness. Exhaustion is NOT next to godliness.
It’s true that Christian love is sacrificial and modeled on Christ’s self-giving, but the Bible does not equate self-sacrifice with self-obliteration or a state of exhaustion that makes you unable to continue serving. Your energy levels are finite. Even Jesus’s was, He removed Himself frequently to pray or rest. He was tired in Samaria and sat down by the well to rest. (John 4:6). He enjoyed fellowship and dinners with Mary/Martha/Lazarus, or Zacchaeus, or Matthew (Levi), or the wedding at Cana. Everything He did was intentional but some of those times it was for fellowship or to simply celebrate (like Levi’s banquet to celebrate his conversion).
We need to find that sweet spot of serving sacrificially yet preserving enough energy so we can continue ministering. We need not obliterate ourselves. The key is to develop sustainable sacrifice, with boundaries. But HOW?
Saying ‘no’ is hard to do…
1.Learn to say ‘no’. For example, if you’ve agreed to serve at Sunday School, it is OK to preserve some time during the week set apart for study, preparation, and prayer, even it it means saying no to something good that would intrude on that time. You serve at work, plus you have responsibilities to an employer there, so it is OK to say no and guard some time to faithfully complete work tasks. Saying no to something, or deciding not to go somewhere or help someone during the times you’ve set apart, isn’t selfish. It just means you are striving for excellence in the ministrations where you ARE serving already.
Christopher Ash wrote a short book called Zeal without Burnout. Here is Ash with a short article at Challies’ site with some background and introductory explanations about how to be zealous for God without burning out-
Ash explains ‘sustainable sacrifice’, and what a ‘living sacrifice’ means. Here he is expounding in a video at his former church as a guest lecturing from his book if you don’t want to get the book.
His speech covers the following themes:
17:19, God Never Goes to Sleep
19:14, Allow Yourself Time for Sleep
20:01, How To Wind Down before Going to Sleep
25:43, The Sabbath Principle
26:49, We Need Friends
People-pleasing is easy to do
2.Are you a ‘people pleaser’? To some extent, we all are. We are told to love our neighbor as ourselves. However, if the motivation for our constant movement in serving is that you are aiming to please a person but Jesus doesn’t figure into your decision making, it’s the wrong motivation. There is a difference between mindful self-sacrifice as a duty to Jesus, and people-pleasing.
Here is an article from TGC on people-pleasing, which sometimes is the background of someone’s people-pleasing service if that applies to you.
Freedom from the Burden of People Pleasing–
Jesus came to give us life and life to the full (John 10:10). When we carry the burden of trying to keep everyone happy, that fullness starts to dissipate. We end up carrying a cross that is not ours to carry. We become embittered because, instead of glorifying God, we seek the world’s acceptance—a fickle and transient way to find significance.
As this Facebook random lady said, “You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.” Boundaries are not selfish, they are necessary tools for stewardship. Here is an article from Desiring God, “Die to Yourself Without Losing Yourself“-
Self-sacrifice can be exhausting. It can be painful, arduous, and largely thankless. Moreover, no shortage of people stand ready to take advantage of our willingness to serve. Nonetheless, few messages are more consistent in the New Testament than Christians being known for our sacrificial spirit (Romans 12:10).
A lot of ‘dying to self’ doesn’t mean DOING in the dying. It means mortifying ego, selfish ambition, wayward guilt, pride, and more. It’s working to choose forgiveness over a grudge, serving others without recognition and foregoing ego, managing anger, yielding our will to God’s purpose…etc. A lot of dying to self isn’t in visible external service to others, it is personal work on one’s own sin nature; it’s personal and internal. We are dying to our sin nature.
The gift of sleep
3. Spurgeon said, “Sleep is the gift of God, and not a man would close his eyes, did not God put his fingers on his eyelids”
I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustains me. (Proverbs 3:5)
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. (Proverbs 3:24)
I know, I know, moms especially have a very hard time finding enough time to sleep. Little ones wake up in the night and what can you do? Except get up and tend to them. But if you can sleep when you can, without guilt, then prayerful, refreshing sleep prayed for and graciously given, we know it IS a gift.
Sleep and rest is God’s reminder to be humble.
There is no hard and fast ‘how-to’ in finding that balance. It’s personal and unique to every individual. As we grow, we tread a path of finding the sweet spot. It’s like any principle in life we discern from the Bible and apply to our lives as we go. As you learn to set boundaries, keep praying for the Spirit to help you realize if laziness or sloth is setting in, or alternately if you are still on a path to burnout. But remember, dying to self means our own work on sanctifying our holy nature and obliterating our sin nature.
THIS is dying to self- Galatians 5:24, Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
