These are the sort of labels people make of victims in order to avoid the awkward work of looking at the actual misbehavior. It’s very dismissive of the pain faithful spouses are experiencing to treat them like this.

I have experienced labels like these over the years by people trying to shut me down. This was no exception in my experience divorcing my Cheater.

To be clear:

It is healthy to mount a defense when someone is under attack.

People have feelings and emotions whereas rocks do not.

Being sensitive is better than being a hard-hearted jerk!

The truth is that the people saying such things are not in our corner. They are not worth the trouble of disabusing them of their insensitivity and cruelty.

That said, I might reframe such labels thus:

“You’re so defensive!” exclaims bystander.

“Why are you attacking me then?” says faithful spouse.

Or

“You’re being too sensitive,” says Cheater apologist.

“Honestly, I just gave you the gift of knowing your words hurt me. It saddens me that you have chosen to shirk your responsibility to make amends by labeling me as ‘too sensitive,'” says faithful spouse.