9 Lies We Believe in Suffering That Push Us Into Isolation - Bravester
Suffering is hard. No one is exempt from pain. Not even Christians. Pain feels like failure. Sometimes it does come from failure. Pain leads you feel like “everyone” knows what is going on. So pain convinces you of lies that push you further away from people and God who are trying to meet you in your pain. Pain is a meeting place with God. The gift of people helps us reshape our implicit beliefs. Pain is your beginning. These 9 lies interrupt the transformation.
These lies creep into our minds and hearts, making us feel alone even when we’re not. Loneliness does lie to you. So I’m calling out these lies to help you make your brave decisions to move through the transformation.
Some pain can and should be avoided, even prevented. Abusive relationships, self-harm, brokenness, dysfunction and pathologies of all kind can be avoided by making braver decisions. That kind of pain is not part of God’s desire for us and violates the deepest, truest thing about us: that we are deeply worthy of all good things. When I write that pain is your beginning, I don’t mean this kind of pain.
You’ve Not Been Faithful Enough
One of the first whispers in the midst of suffering is, “This wouldn’t be happening if I had prayed harder or trusted more or obeyed perfectly.” Insert your own transaction you think you need to make here. God isn’t an archaic deity that needs to be appeased or bargained with. God isn’t a debt collector you have to pay back. Suffering is not a report card on your faith. You are not exempt from pain and neither am I. You can’t earn your way to be that exemption.
Believing that pain proves inadequacy only isolates you, because you start to carry it alone, as if you’ve earned it. This is a lie.
Something Is Implicitly Wrong With Me
Suffering can trigger a deep, unspoken, implicit belief that there is something inherently flawed about you. Even if you’ve never consciously thought this, your body and mind may act as if it’s true—shrinking, withdrawing, and avoiding others. This lie tells you that if people really saw you, they would reject you. And now that this suffering is happening, they may finally see what is really wrong with you. This is a lie.
This Will Never Get Better
Pain can feel permanent, especially in the midst of it. But God is in the business of redemption and restoration. What feels eternal is not the final word. Pain is really your beginning…and it will end.
This lie isolates because it convinces you that nothing will ever change and no one can help. You are overwhelmed (and no shame in that!) and the pain does consume all of your thoughts.
Here is some wisdom from those of us who have lived in overwhelmed land.
This is what us on the other side of never-ending pain have learned. You can’t reason God’s faithfulness out of us because we have seen God in that pit of despair with us. We have seen God be near and holy, bigger and lower.
God Isn’t Actually Good
I cannot figure God out. God is supposed to be good. But this God is unpredictable. I love God who also breaks my heart. Why? So God must be cruel.
Lies love to change the story of who God is. The never-ending pain causes your mind to wander to such doubts to try to change the consistent truth you knew before the suffering started. God’s goodness doesn’t disappear in pain. It remains constant even when circumstances deceive your perception.
Note: Doubts lead us to God so don’t shame yourself.
God’s consistent response to hurt throughout the Bible, down through history (the larger story), and into my life today (and yours) is we find that God:
- Starts from a loved position
- Acts righteously
- Uses the community to transform us
- Accepts reality and forgives us
- Gives change a chance
- Is long suffering (Compiled from Dr. Henry Cloud and Townsend)
Ponder each of those six things and see how God is good…still.
Truth is asking where Jesus is, being angry at God, is still faith.
Your Prayers Are Wasted
Suffering can make us feel like our prayers disappear into thin air. When we believe this, it’s easy to stop praying, stop seeking, and stop trusting.
But prayer is never wasted. Even when God doesn’t answer as expected, prayer changes us (with brain scan proof). It keeps us connected to him and to others, opening our hearts to his presence even when we feel so abandoned.
When you stop praying, your sense of isolation deepens.
Besides, do you really think you will shock Jesus if you tell him how you really feel?
God Isn’t Going to Come Through for You
The lie that God won’t come through is one of the most isolating. It says, in effect, “You are truly alone in this.”
But Scripture promises that God is faithful, even when life is hard and pain persists. He comes alongside us, carries us, and uses even suffering for good. Trusting this truth allows you to move toward relationships, community, and God’s healing work.
But there is that trust word…and you would rather not.
I am growing in my learning that God’s love is for me and to not interpret God’s love by life’s circumstances
I’m the Only One Who Feels This Way
Another common lie is the belief that you are the only one who experiences this depth of pain. As I’m writing this I have a member of my church physically suffering terribly from a hospital complication for five months now. They are saying she is part of 1%. She feels like she is the only one suffering and has the doctor endorsement that she is 1% of everyone. This is a lie she is really wrestling with.
Believing you are alone isolates you and magnifies shame. Remember: connection is healing. When you share your story in safe spaces, shame loses its grip. As a church we are loudly surrounding her so she won’t get lost in this lie.
I Have to Fix This Myself
It is a lie to believe that you must endure and fix your suffering on your own. Autonomy feels safe, but it isolates. Pain is not a mistake to fix.
I Can Push Through This Pain
Time does not heal all wounds. If it did, there would be no unresolved grief and no hurt from long ago that still upsets you from time to time. Pain that is not faced does not go away, it stays inside and festers.
Festering pain leads you to isolate.
You are not on your own and alone in this pain. Just because someone abandoned you two months ago in your pain and the suffering is still leading your life doesn’t mean you need to push yourself through on your own. Find someone new. Find someone who is not afraid of your suffering.
I know the vulnerability of which I speak here. Life is hard enough without having to trust someone new with what is going on as you are in the midst of it and you are barely making it through every day. This entire website resource is what I’ve learned from the suffering I’ve endured so I still say don’t do this on your own. Don’t push through the pain. You must find your gift of people.
This is what the beautiful people know.
The pain is never something we need to celebrate that it happened. What is good is you know you matter to God. This pain matters. It still matters to God because you matter to God.
Suffering can make us believe all kinds of lies—lies that push us into shame, silence, and isolation. Your life becomes a small world. But the truth is that none of these lies define you. God is good. Your prayers matter. You are not alone. And healing, though often slow, is always possible.
