Virgin Becomes Single Mom at 30: Why You Are Not Losing Because You are a “Good Girl”
In a world full of “relationship experts” and viral social media clips, there is a dangerous narrative floating around. It’s the idea that if you are a “good girl”—specifically a virgin—you can trade your purity for a man’s commitment, even if he isn’t your husband.
In my latest podcast episode, I dive deep into why this “transactional purity” is not only a lie but a recipe for heartbreak. Here’s a summary of what we discussed.
Purity is Not a Transaction # Good Girl Lesson
There is a common myth that being a virgin guarantees you a husband or “good treatment” from a man you aren’t married to. I didn’t grow up in “purity culture,” and I’ve never heard this in church—I’ve heard it from the world.
God’s Word doesn’t tell us to wait until we find a “nice guy”; He tells us to wait for marriage. Doing things God’s way isn’t about earning a reward; it’s about protection. Following His wisdom acts as a defense, drastically reducing the risk of unnecessary heartache and the challenges of single parenthood.
The Power of Discernment Starts with Knowing the Word of God
Because there are men with selfish motives, we need more than just rules—we need discernment. Discernment is simply good judgment. It’s knowing who you are in God so deeply that you can see when a man’s character doesn’t align with your values.
- Spend time with God: This is where your sense of worth is built.
- Build a community: You need people who will point out your blind spots and sharpen you, re-enforcing your sense of worth.
- Endure the “Hard“: Being a woman submitted to God isn’t always easy. You might get ghosted or misunderstood, but God uses those seasons to build character.
Take Responsibility for Your Journey
It’s easy to blame the church or “the system” when things get difficult, but we must take personal responsibility. If we step out from under God’s protection through disobedience, we are essentially taking off our armor in the middle of a war.
God wants to speak to you directly. Just as the Israelites tried to rely solely on Moses to hear God, many today rely on influencers or pastors instead of reading the Bible for themselves. I’ve found that when I seek God, He is faithful to reveal a man’s true intentions—often through dreams or by making their actions speak louder than their words.
God will never speak to us in any way that doesn’t line up with what he’s already said in his Word.
- Peace is the Ultimate Goal
Whether you marry in your 20s or your 50s—or not at all—the goal of doing things God’s way is peace. Everyone’s journey looks different. The key is to seek the Lord for your specific path rather than comparing your timeline to someone else’s. Even for the woman who has already made mistakes or is struggling as a single mother, God is a provider. He can and will provide more than enough when you turn to Him.
Watch the Full Discussion
We go much deeper into these points, including a reaction to a viral video and specific stories of how God has used discernment in my own dating life.
For a Supportive Community for Singles Visit here: bit.ly/safechristiansingles.com
