“Trad wife” “Trad life”: What are they? And are they an idol?
By Elizabeth Prata
A few days ago Allie Beth Stuckey spoke in a panel discussion at the Founders Conference. She was asked to explain and give insights on the social media trend presenting the “trad wife/life”, glorifying God in motherhood, and cosplay.
For those who do not know, trad wives on social media are ‘traditional wives’, stay at home moms, farmers, homesteaders making their own bread, jam, canning, non-GMO and the like. Not that there is anything wrong with that in itself, but the PRESENTATION of such a life on social media has overtaken actual fruit of the Spirit in living a genuine Christian life. As Allie said, “It’s about aesthetics.”
Well, Allie Beth explained it in her inimitable way what “trad wives” are and gently pushed back on it. Here’s the link to the Trad Wife talk at Founders by Allie Beth:
And the internet in its own inimitable way, pushed back on Allie Beth. HARD. (HINT: This is one way you know that trad wife/life is a worldly idol).
By the way, the Instagram pics Megan posted and discussed which I recombined below are from trad wife Ballerina Farm. You should know that Daniel & Hannah Neeleman (Ballerina Farm) are Mormon. Thus, their show of traditional values is not based on Christianity. Mormonism is a works-based religion and so, Hannah’s trad life is a works-based aesthetic that tries to approximate a Christian’s- but fails because it’s not. MANY of the famous influencers presenting a ‘trad life’ are LDS, not Christian.
Here is Meg Basham on Twitter supporting Allie Beth with a good explanation of the issue.
Megan Basham @megbasham said on Twitter,
“To the guys dragging Tom Ascol and Allie Beth Stuckey, I think you may not understand what we’re talking about here. I’d like you to watch a video.”
“Now this woman has one of the most popular trad wife accounts on Instagram. Almost 9 million followers. She is willowy and lovely. Every image she posts looks like a spread from Joanna Gaines’s magazine, Magnolia Journal.”
“She (famously) makes her own sourdough. She makes her own popsicles. She makes her own butter. Millions of women absorb this and they want this life. They think they’re failing if they’re grabbing the otter pops out of the freezer case to keep their sticky kids in their mismatched hand-me-downs busy for half an hour.”
“But here’s some other fun facts about the ballerina farm wife. Her father-in-law is the founder of five airlines, including JetBlue. She and her husband are heirs to $1 billion fortune. Their stove costs $20k.”
“And they sell soap for $22 and the starter kits for her famous sourdough for $89”
“These “trad wife” influencers can set young women up for disappointment and disillusionment because they portray homemaking as a consumer good.”
“Comment links to buy my $750 William Sonoma bread maker!”
“I am very pro homemaking. I am very anti selling women of false bill of goods that tells them that their homes will look like magazine spreads; their children will always be fresh faced, tidy, and camera-ready; and their days will be a maternal bliss of non-GMO, organic artisanal Farmers market fare.”
“These accounts often (not always!) also market envy. NOT saying that’s all the trad life accounts. But there’s many of them that do.”
“So I’d like to gently suggest you may not fully understand what Allie Beth is talking about here.”
“And I think you guys would agree with me that this kind of thing *can* sometimes be an idol because it is not fixed on pursuing godliness as a wife and mother but on self glorification and greed.” –end Meg Basham’s comment
I replied to Megan:
“AWESOME and concise summary of the issue, @megbasham. I liked Allie Beth’s discussion of it, and I agree with her assessment as well. Marketing envy, a false front, and ideal that does not exist, is just LIES packaged in a dreamy Insta filter.”
It’s like when I looked into the She Reads Truth ladies some years ago. One of them had a bio that said she starts her day with her Bible flung open…SAHM…takes care of the kids…Yes, BUT she write her stuff and reads her Bible AFTER she drops the kids at daycare! Bio didn’t mention THAT part.
Or Lori Alexander The Transformed Wife, touts her child raising abilities but had outside help, had live-in help and had/has more money than she lets on.
I have no doubt that Ballerina Farm woman has help, and not just farm hands, but an intern, nanny, in-home worker, secretary, media team…people.
Ballerina farm lady has 9 million followers. Some follow I suppose for the nice photos. Or to dream. Others follow because internally they want that lifestyle. But it’s not the lifestyle. I personally know of a true Christian wife and mom who is living the “traditional life” (whatever that means to you), on a very rural farm, with animals, raising beef cows and selling meat, just like the ballerina lady. AND WITH a storefront in town to manage, too.
She doesn’t post photos of languidly picking flowers on a sunny day. She doesn’t have 9 million followers. Her photos are of the cows. She has mud on her boots, busy days and nights, and honesty. Her ABOUT states: [Our company] is fortunate enough to have a supportive group of individuals that partner in all aspects of the meat company from accounting in the office to roping of cattle. Trad wives don’t do it alone.
For many “trad wives” living a “trad life”, they seek a return to the 1950s traditional values, not an adoption of biblical standards for genders, roles, and marriage. It’s the wrong basis to start with.
It isn’t a bad desire. Why? The 1950s This was the LAST time in the US housewifery was seen as noble. Stay At Home Mothering is hard. Running any sort of home with animals is harder. Establishing a farm and working toward self-sufficiency is hardest of all. Add to all that, battling a culture that tells you every day your job and role is worthless. HARD.
In the 1990s my husband and I wanted to live ‘off grid’. We experimented with 3 different lifestyles to try and get there. It’s harder than you think. And we didn’t have kids.
Social media has been both a blessing and a curse. It presents ways to exchange ideas in a free society and to research on one’s own. It connect people who knew each other in real life and who didn’t but become friends. But the curse is its tendency toward careful curation that shows only highlights, skewed reality, or a plain old lie.
Ladies, I liked the part in Megan’s comment that says “These accounts often (not always!) also market envy.” Marketing envy is an approach to sales that gets you to buy their merchandise, buy their dream, attach to their ideals. Anything to promote self and make merchandise of you. They aren’t promoting Jesus, which is our chief end, to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. They are promoting themselves, and their abilities and achievements.
I admire women who obediently adopt biblical standards for their role, demographic, and marriage. I heartily admire anyone who works toward a biblically traditional life, especially one that includes animals to care for. But most admirable is the woman who, no matter how she organizes her life according to the Bible (and that appears in different ways), her priority is obedience to the One who saved her soul.
Make sourdough or buy it. Have 3 children or 9 children. Live on a farm or in the city. Work a job if you and husband feel you need to or stay at home. The common thread here is not a cultural value system that existed 75 years ago, but a value system that was founded 7000 years ago (Genesis 2:18) and exists today as vibrant and fresh and powerful as it did back then.
And if social media bothers you or tempts you to discontent or envy, stay off it. Because biblical wives have the Holy Spirit in us to aid us in resisting temptation, sin, and discontent. 🙂
