Three Lies of Comparison: How to Help Your Teen Find the Truth

Think of your life like a measuring cup—the glass kind with the lines on the side. Inside that cup are all of the things that make your teen girl unique: her cute personality, the way she tells a story or outsmarts you in chess, her ability to impress you on the tennis court. 

Maybe you remember her toothless grin, back when you’d tell her she was the prettiest, cleverest, most amazing girl in the world. But if she’s like most teens, there came a day when her eyes fluttered open to comparison. Her sunny giggle faded, and her carefree personality fell as she began placing her measuring cup next to someone else’s, asking, “How do I measure up?” 

So, what can you do? How can you help? How can you keep her from retreating to dark corners of isolation and insecurity? How can you stop her from driving herself to exhaustion with endless perfectionism? 

The best way to help your teen thrive is to point out comparison’s hidden lies and invite her to embrace the truth. Here are three lies to start with.

Lie #1: Comparison Is a Game 

Who started calling it the “comparison game”? It’s not a game. It’s a strategy of the enemy to destroy your girl’s life. That’s scary, but would you rather she not know someone was stalking her, with plans to attack? Our enemy doesn’t fight fair; he doesn’t wait until a girl is old enough to understand her worth. Instead, he attacks when she is vulnerable and lures her into traps of insecurity, shame, perfectionism, jealousy, self-consciousness, and isolation—traps that can last a lifetime. 

To sidestep these traps, James 3:14–15 gives your teen two clues to watch for. She’ll know she’s listening to the world’s dark wisdom when she has:

• Bitter envy. Does she look over at another girl’s measuring cup with jealousy and scorn?
• Selfish ambition. Is she proud of the ways her cup is fuller? Does she drive herself to prove she has more? 

Comparison is not a game; it’s a strategy used to destroy. And here is the truth that your teen must know and cling to: she is created by a good God, who deeply loves her just the way she is.

Those lines on her measuring cup might reveal how she’s different from the next girl, but they don’t define her or determine her worth. God—her Creator—says she is a treasure, worth sacrificing His Son just so He could snatch her back to safety. So here’s the question: will she listen to this truth and let God’s words about her matter most?

Lie #2: I’m “Less Than” Because She Has More

Don’t try to convince your teen that she and other girls have equal amounts in their measuring cups. They don’t, and she knows it. But do help her see that the enemy leverages mismatched cups to plant doubts, formed into questions like:

• Why did God make my sister beautiful and leave me plain? 
• Why did God give that other teen from church a lovely voice but mine is not?
• Why have that girl’s parents stayed together but mine got divorced? 
• Why am I the one with a learning disability, the one who’s poor, or the one who got Lyme disease? 

Yes, God puts more in one measuring cup and less in another, but it’s not so that one teen can measure up and another can fall behind. God doesn’t attach values to differences the way the world does. 

It’s interesting that when Jesus encountered people who were comparing just like we do, He turned the conversation to how His kingdom is different from the world. So, when the Pharisees were acting superior, the sick and poor people were feeling less than, or the disciples were arguing about who was greater, Jesus would say, “In My kingdom . . .”

• Many who are first will be last (Matt. 19:30).
• The greatest is the servant (Matt. 23:11).
• Whoever humbles herself will be exalted (Luke 14:11).

In Jesus’ kingdom you’re not less than when you have less. What matters is that each of us can tip our cup and serve. A poor girl can still give. A sick girl can still encourage others. A girl who can’t sing can still offer kindness and friendship. In Jesus’ kingdom, anyone can be great because anyone can serve! 

Think of how Jesus modeled this. If He had a measuring cup, it would be the biggest one, filled to the brim. Yet Jesus wasn’t puffed up with arrogance, insisting everyone bow before Him. To be clear, Jesus didn’t belittle or deny His worth (and your teen shouldn’t either). Jesus humbled Himself by emptying His measuring cup. Philippians 2:7–8 says, “He emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant . . . he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even to death on a cross.” This is what greatness looks like to God. 

It’s a lie that your teen’s worth is tied to the lines on her measuring cup. As a beloved daughter of God, she is one of the great ones when she simply tips her cup to serve. 

Lie #3: The Measure-Up Girl Has More Influence

How does your teen enter a room of people? Suppose there’s a birthday party or school event. Does she obsess beforehand about what she looks like? Does she worry about feeling awkward or shy? When she enters, does she draw attention to herself by the way she dresses or how she acts? 

The world thinks it’s the measure-up girl who has all the influence, but often that girl is fixated on herself. Even the girl with the fullest measuring cup can enter the room obsessing, Are my thighs too big? Did he notice me? Did I sound smart? Will I ever measure up? 

In contrast, the teen who knows she is deeply loved by her Creator has already settled the questions about her worth before she even enters that room. She might have more in her measuring cup than some or less than others. But rather than focusing on the amount in her cup, her focus is on the spout. She enters the room thinking, How can I include the new girl? How can I encourage the football player who broke his leg? Who can I invite to church?

This is the girl with influence because this is the girl who’s focused on the other people in the room. As she tips her cup, the measuring lines become irrelevant. 

Which of these lies is your teen believing?

• Does she think of comparison like a game—a typical part of being a teen? 
• Does she think of herself as “less than” because someone else has more? 
• Does she think only the girl with a full measuring cup has influence?

May the Lord use you to help her find the truth. 

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