The Top 3 Points for Recovery

Recently I asked myself what the top 3 points for recovery from porn and sex addiction might be that I would give myself when I began the journey to recovery in the early 1990s. As I pondered these I realized they apply to all of life, not just to sexual sin. The 3 are not meant to be comprehensive, there is far more to the journey, such as honesty with the spouse, and learning how to treat others with kindness, among others. So here we go.

1. I must never go back to isolation again.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
James 5:16

For years I tried to overcome sexual sin and lust on my own. The last thing I wanted to do was tell someone I’d blew it, especially when it came to masturbating to pictures. Solo Christianity – keeping our sins hidden, stuffed, or buried, doesn’t work. God didn’t design us to function in isolation. Sin gets a grip and metastasizes when it’s kept hidden. Sharing our sins and failures with others cancels the power of sin and drops the weight of shame from our heart.

Perhaps you’re in bondage to bitterness, which is a deadly poison, or you have a temper problem. Your need to open up with another is no less desperate (and maybe more so) than those who are in sexual sin. Once bitterness hardens the heart the consequences can be severe. Or maybe your mouth is set to “Ready, fire, aim” and you have a habit of torching your loved ones at will; pride on rampage. Don’t do it alone; expose your struggles to others.

2. I must cut off the stumbling blocks of temptation under my control.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”
Matthew 5:27-30

The “cutting off” separates those who want freedom from sin from those who don’t. Over the years I’ve seen plenty of men who were playing games with lust and didn’t want to let it go. I’ve been there too. Tell them to turn off the streaming service or put an app on their phone, and they balk. “Aww, I’m strong enough to say no on my own.” Yeah? How’s that working for you?

Recently I was reflecting on my past and realized I had fallen into sin many times in the past and wasted a lot of time because of screens; looking at pictures. How pathetic. Many are wasting hundreds of hours of the one life they’re given because they’re hooked on screens. It doesn’t make a difference whether it’s porn or not. There are many warnings in the Bible about making the best use of our time. Spending 5 hours a day watching Tiktok or Youtube videos isn’t one of them.

People change when they’ve had enough pain. For some that may be losing their marriage and family. You don’t want it to go that far.
Many will enter the kingdom of God with very little to show for their lives and screens will have a lot to do with it. Some won’t make it to Heaven at all because screens were their god.

We are to cut off the stumbling blocks of temptation under our control – if they are a problem. If it’s not causing you to sin, don’t worry about it. Some go into hyper legalism mode and tell others that every screen in their life must be destroyed. You’re more than likely reading this on a screen now; there is good use for them in the proper context, including work. I do all my writing with screens. No way I’m going to pencil and paper. Or chiseling out words on a rock.

3. I must face my heart and allow God to heal it.

I used to be terrified of my emotions and intimacy. Silence made me squirm. I was always busy, moving, working, trying to avoid my heart. Type A workaholic doesn’t go far enough to describe me. If there’s an AA or AAA class for the driven, I’m it. Years ago the license plate on my car read “B AGRESV.” People who drive 55 in the fast lane drive me crazy. Give me the autobahn in Germany. Zoom, crash, burn.

And, I was a Head Christian, a poser, empty, angry, arrogant, and deep down, fearful. Sure, I knew plenty of Scripture, did the right Christian things, went to church, could play the game of looking good with the best of them, but my heart was a train wreck.

The heart is the key to the Christian life, not knowledge alone.
Just ask the Pharisees who ended up in hell if you don’t believe me.

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
– Proverbs 4:23

My friends, if you were to sit alone in silence with God, what would He reveal is in your heart today? Is there shame, pain, fear, anxiety, doubt, lust, pride, anger, bitterness, discouragement, or hopelessness? These are signals that your heart is crying for attention or that you’ve allowed sin to camp out there. Don’t ignore it, spiritualize it away, stuff it, or rationalize it. Face it with God and a trusted friend; maybe a counselor or pastor. For a cleansed and healed heart, consistent prayer is a non-negotiable. So is time in God’s word.

There are many times when I’ve gone to the Lord with a crusty or dry heart or some other struggle and He’s given me what I needed. Many times, even more. Your prayer life opens the door to a treasure trove of healing, blessings, and strength and is a critical part of keeping your heart alive and well.