Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes,
And prudent in their own sight!

-Isaiah 5:21, NKJV

The practice of some pastors is to treat adultery on the same level as failure to do one’s share of the household chores:

Faithful spouses are already primed to take on more responsibility than is rightfully theirs. So, of course, we are likely to fall for this “leveling of sin” approach–failing to unload the dishwasher while perhaps wrong is NOT on the same level as a spouse sleeping with one’s former friend.

That is why this is a particular evil.

The faithful spouse is treated as an equal partner in the problem created by a spouse committing adultery. This is ungodly.

Might the pastor eventually address household chores? Perhaps. It is a distraction, though.

Only foolish, bad counselors go after a distraction instead of what needs critical attention–namely, the cheating needs to end and the cheating spouse needs to fully own their sins.

Until you get a handle on the cheating, you do not have a godly marriage. You have an abuse situation, and you are morally obligated to help the abused–i.e. the faithful spouse.

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*A version of this post ran previously.