“You shall not commit adultery.”

-Exodus 20:14, NIV

So, you’re not perfect.

Guess what? No one is.

Even in happy marriages, spouses are imperfect. They sin against one another. I think this is especially so in youthful marriages as we’re all maturing and trying to figure out life.

Just because you are not perfect does not give your spouse permission to cheat nor make their cheating about you.

A lot of us, faithful spouses, will put ourselves under the microscope looking at all our imperfections. I think this is our attempt to control what we don’t control–namely, our spouse’s behavior. We want to think we could have prevented the cheating by what we did.

The reality is only the cheating spouse could have prevented the cheating. They do that by obeying God’s commandment not to commit adultery. It is their choice as it is our choice as well.

My point is to encourage you to stop beating up on yourself. This situation was created by a sinful chooser, your spouse (or ex), and NOT you! No amount of work on yourself would ever solve the puzzle about their cheating.

Only the actual sinner–i.e. the cheater–has the power to forsake their sin and repent. Unfortunately, you cannot do that for them. You only control you.