Never Not Easy — Grateful, yet Grieving
As I turned my calendar to June last week, I felt the tug on my heart. This month contains two significant days, my wedding anniversary and Father's Day. This year, they are back-to-back on the same weekend. On June 20,
Forty-five years ago, I walked down the aisle to say my wedding vows.
Amidst the memories that contain a deep, abiding tenderness and sweetness, I come with a dull ache and a somber sense of a vacant space.
Like a rug that shows the placement of where a chair once was, I’m reminded of something no longer there. Grief comes quietly again. It’s never not easy.
In acknowledging the day, I also find a gulf of gratitude for what I did have.
In the wide expanse of our grief, we also acknowledge all we had that was good, beautiful, and a gift. Dr. Curt Thompson, author and psychiatrist, said, “Each time we name something good, we direct our attention away from fear and scarcity and toward connection and hope.”
In this strange, unlikely place, we can “name the good” while “granting our grief” together. It’s not a math equation. There’s no equal sign. Practicing gratitude when we are grieving is a choice. As Dr. Thompson says, it leads to “connection and hope.”
Next week, as I remember my 45th wedding anniversary, I plan to reflect on the gift I had for 36 and a half years. And I will tear up. I plan to go to dinner with my children. I will look at some wedding photos. I will make a post on Facebook. And I will experience hope and connection as a result. My grief and gratitude will remain unlikely, yet ubiquitous companions.
