MENTAL HEALTH MONDAYS: Relaxation Isn’t Lazy — Why Holding Onto Weight May Be Your Body Trying to Feel Safe - The DV Walking Wounded:

Let’s start with a truth that isn’t said nearly enough: Your body is not broken.

If you’re a survivor of domestic violence and you’ve noticed your body holding onto extra weight—especially in places that feel stubborn, no matter what you try—please hear this: you are not failing. You’re surviving. And your body is doing exactly what it thinks it needs to do to keep you safe.

Let’s unpack how this works—and how the key to healing might not be about trying harder or pushing more, but about something much gentler: relaxing.

Stress, Trauma, and the “Survival Mode” Trap

When you’ve lived through abuse—whether it was physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or psychological—your nervous system adapts to constant threat. Your brain becomes wired to scan for danger, and your body reacts accordingly.

You may have heard of the “fight or flight” response, but there’s also “freeze” and “fawn.” All of these are survival responses rooted in our nervous system. When they’re triggered over and over again, your body starts to treat that stress as the norm.

And here’s the kicker: long-term stress leads to long-term physical changes, especially with weight.

One of the main culprits? Cortisol—the stress hormone. When your body is constantly flooded with cortisol, it does things like:

Slow your metabolism
Increase your cravings for carbs and sugar
Store fat, especially around the belly
Mess with your sleep, digestion, and hormone balance

In other words, the longer you’ve lived in a high-stress state, the more likely your body has adapted in ways that make losing weight incredibly difficult—even impossible—until the stress starts to lift.

The Protective Weight: A Form of Armor

Let’s talk about what that weight actually is for a minute. For many survivors, it can feel like a physical manifestation of emotional trauma. But that doesn’t mean your body is betraying you.

Sometimes, weight gain is a form of protection—literal padding against a world that hasn’t felt safe.

Your body might be saying:

“If I look less attractive, maybe I won’t be targeted again.”
“If I stay bigger, I’ll take up space—I won’t be ignored.”
“If I hold on to this weight, I’ll have the energy to fight if I ever have to run again.”

This is primal stuff. Your body isn’t trying to sabotage your self-esteem—it’s trying to protect your life.

Enter: Serotonin – The “Safe and Satisfied” Chemical

Now let’s shift gears and talk about a little chemical that plays a big role in both weight and healing: serotonin.

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate your:

Mood
Sleep
Appetite
Digestion
Sense of well-being and calm

When your serotonin levels are balanced, your body feels safe. You feel less reactive, less anxious, and more at peace. But here’s the problem: chronic trauma and high cortisol suppress serotonin. This leads to:

Depression
Trouble sleeping
Increased appetite (especially for comfort foods)
Digestive issues
Irritability and fatigue

So you may find yourself stuck in a cycle where you eat to feel better (which boosts serotonin temporarily), but then feel guilty, anxious, or uncomfortable afterward—keeping the stress response going.

Relaxation Isn’t Laziness—It’s Revolutionary

Many survivors struggle to relax. Resting feels “wrong,” like you should be doing something more productive. That’s trauma talking!

In abusive environments, being “idle” could be dangerous. You may have learned to stay busy, stay small, stay alert. Over time, that hypervigilance becomes your default—even after the danger is gone.

But here’s the beautiful truth: Relaxation is healing. It tells your nervous system, “We’re safe now.” And when your body feels safe, it can finally start releasing what it’s been holding—physically and emotionally.

Ways to Gently Boost Serotonin and Reduce Stress

You don’t have to overhaul your life to start healing your nervous system. Small, intentional steps can make a real difference. Here are a few trauma-informed, body-honoring ways to invite serotonin back into your life:

Get Some Sunlight

Even 10-15 minutes of natural light can help your body produce more serotonin. Morning light is especially helpful.

Eat Carbs Without Shame

Yes, carbs. Whole grain breads, sweet potatoes, oats, and fruits can actually help increase serotonin levels. Deprivation doesn’t lead to healing—nourishment does.

Talk It Out

Safe, supportive connection (with a friend, therapist, or support group) releases serotonin. Feeling seen and heard is part of what rewires the trauma response. Comedy clubs and watching comedic movies are great places to laugh and release serotonin, which can be addictive.

Practice Gentle Movement

Try walking, stretching, or restorative yoga. This isn’t about burning calories—it’s about reconnecting with your body in a safe, respectful way.

Prioritize Sleep

Good sleep hygiene helps reset cortisol and boosts serotonin. Think: cool dark room, no screens an hour before bed, calming routines.

🎶 Do What Feels Good

Listen to music, create art, cuddle your pet, write in a journal, or simply sit in silence. Anything that helps you feel grounded and calm is helping heal your brain.

There’s No Deadline on Healing

If you’re frustrated with your body or the way it’s changed since trauma, try offering it a little compassion. It has gotten you through the worst. It’s adapting, trying to protect you, trying to make sense of your story.

You’re not weak. You’re not lazy. You’re healing in the only way your body knows how.

You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to lose weight to deserve peace. You don’t have to look a certain way to prove you’re okay.

Your softness is not a failure—it’s a survival story.

Final Word: You’re Already Doing the Work

The work of healing from domestic violence isn’t just what happens in therapy or courtrooms or shelters. It’s in the daily decisions to breathe deeper, speak kinder to yourself, and trust your body again.

Weight is not the enemy. Your body is not the enemy. And rest?
Rest is resistance. Rest is resilience. Rest is repair.

So if your nervous system is still holding onto extra pounds, maybe it just needs a little more proof that the war is over. And the best way to show it? Let yourself relax, without guilt.

You’re safe now. You’re healing. And that is more powerful than any number on a scale.