I’ve mentioned it before, but getting old is hard, and life can be, too. Not being a morning person doesn’t help either. Like the great philosopher once said, “I would like mornings better if they started later!” – Garfield. Then, there are my pet peeves. So, the other day, while driving April to work, the perfect storm happened. All three issues came together.

I hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep, and when the alarm went off at 4:20 AM, I wasn’t done yet. So, morning came way too early, and I was feeling grumpy. On the way to the car, I saw two lists on the kitchen counter. While driving, April didn’t say a word about them, so I had to ask. Lack of communication is one of my top pet peeves. See where this is going?

I got mad. Really mad! I didn’t understand why I had to ask what the lists were for, and when April’s reply made it seem as if I should have been able to figure it all out. Well, that was like throwing gasoline on a campfire. (Kids, never throw gas on any open flame. Let your father look like an idiot.)

Yep, words came out that should have never been spoken. My behavior and my words were awful. April certainly didn’t deserve that kind of reaction, no matter what. Especially at the beginning of her day. “Hi, I’m Mark, and I’m a Meany.” The crowd responded, “Hi, Mark.”

On the drive back home, I felt horrible. I didn’t want those words to be with April all day. So, before I went back to bed, I texted her an apology and owned up to being a “Meany.” I apologized to God, too, and asked for forgiveness.

Later in the day, while shopping, I bought April some flowers. Pretty ones in her favorite colors. I called them “Meany Flowers.” I know they didn’t make up for my poor, ungodly behavior, but they might help heal the emotional wound I created in her. April can forgive easily, and of course, God is faithful to forgive us of our sins. (1 John 1:9)

Do we, or I, act out more easily knowing that God will forgive us? I think I do at times. I know it’s wrong. It’s as if I trample on His grace and mercy and take it too lightly. Perhaps I am saying to Jesus, “Hey, buddy, thanks for that suffering on the cross stuff, but after all, I deserved it.” The truth is, I don’t deserve his forgiveness, but God so loved the world.

God forgives those who ask for it because He doesn’t want to see anyone die in a sinful state and go to hell. Of course, because He gives us free will, where we spend eternity is up to us.

So, April forgave me, and yes, God forgave me. God knows our hearts, and He knew I was ashamed of what I did and said. I try to be aware of my weaknesses and ask God for help quickly when I start to feel my temper rising. And besides, flowers are expensive!

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