Hey! Watch Your Language! - Damon J. Gray

Language morphs over time. Well, the English language does. I cannot speak to what happens in other languages because I’m monolingual. But language changes. It morphs in surprising ways.

For example, “sick” once meant that someone was physically ill, but now means “amazing” as in, “That car is sick man!” Originally, “gay” mean joyous and carefree. Now it means “homosexual.” It is difficult for me to adjust to these changes, and my tendency is to refuse this practice of language distortion. And, make no mistake, many times this practice of manipulating language is calculated, intentional, and driving toward a specific objective.

Manipulative Language

One of the reasons I have such disdain for politicians is that I want people to say what they mean and then stick by that. A politician can’t do this . . . well, he or she won’t do this. Rather, they will couch their message in carefully selected terminology that can be interpreted either direction in subsequent analysis. We are being manipulated, persuaded to believe the candidate means something we like, rather than something we disagree with. Just tell me where you stand, and let me vote on that basis.

A subtle (and common) example of language manipulation is when someone says, “Well, I just feel that…” and whatever follows is not a feeling and has nothing to do with emotions. The speaker is not describing a feeling to you. They are telling you what they believe about a certain matter. “Well, I just feel that you shouldn’t have told Sharon what happened.” No, you believe I shouldn’t have told Sharon, but you are unwilling to commit to that position. By couching your belief as a “feeling” you’ve laid a playing field that cannot be challenged, because feelings are neither right nor wrong. They simply exist. Beliefs, however, can absolutely be challenged!

Similar to an unwillingness to state a solid position or belief, there is a phenomenon of unwillingness within the body of Christ to categorically state, “I have sinned.” Instead, we see egregious offenses categorized as mistakes, lapses in judgment, or inappropriate behaviors. A recent flurry of scandals among widely-known church officials has adopted this softening language, avoiding the bold statement, “I have sinned against God and against you.¹ I beg forgiveness of both.”

The Mistake Trend

Let’s take the language of the “mistake makers” and draw that into come key biblical passages and see what happens. Hopefully, this makes you cringe, at least a little.

Therefore, confess your mistakes to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
– James 5:16

For whatever does not proceed from faith is a mistake.
– Romans 14:23b

Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is a mistake.
– James 4:17

…for all have mistaked, and fall short of the glory of God;
– Romans 3:23

For the wages of mistaking is death; but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
– Romans 6:23

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices mistakes is a slave to mistakes.
– John 8:34

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of mistakes might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to mistakes.
– Romans 6:6

If we claim to be without mistakes, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
– 1 John 1:8

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not mistake. But if anybody does mistake, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.
– 1 John 2:1

There are hundreds of examples we could look at but these are sufficient to demonstrate the absurdity of what’s being said. It’s not a mistake. It’s sin! It is sin against a holy God. As followers of Jesus, we need to stop soft-pedaling sin with absurd euphemisms.

A man and a woman become sexually involved, but that sounds nasty, so we say, “They slept together.” Slept? Are you kidding, There wasn’t much sleeping going on there. Far from it!
Almost daily, I hear or read of someone who stepped outside of the established relationship, and it is said of them that they “cheated.” Cheated? No, it’s betrayal. It’s adultery. It is sin.
Someone gets sloppy drunk and we say they are “wasted,” “tipsy,” or that they “had a few too many.”
Someone who is lying is said to have stretched or bent the truth. “Oh, I just embellished the facts a bit.”

A phrase I have used for years, to the point of annoyance with some, is that we need to “own our sin” rather than minimize it. What I mean is, we need to reach a point of humility that allows us to shed our smugness and pride, a point that allows us to embrace the reality – “Yeah, I did that, and it was sinful” or, “Yes, I said that and I know it hurt you.”

Own it.

When we can do that, we reach a point of godly sorrow that brings repentance,² a repentance that seeks reconciliation with God and with the one we have injured.

A New Way Forward

So, how do we do better with this?

Be Truthful

My first suggestion is to diligently engage in what the Apostle Paul told the church at Ephesus. Speak truthfully. Call things what they are.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. – Ephesians 4:25

Speak the Same

We are created in the image of God and God cannot lie. I would extend that to say, God doesn’t euphemize sin. The term used in 1 John to “confess” our sins is more literally “to speak the same,” or to align our words with God’s view of it so that we and God are saying the same thing – “this is sin!” Refuse to minimize what has happened when you sin.

Own Your Sin

I touched on this above, but it is worth reinforcing here. When you sin, own it. Come clean on it. Don’t deflect by emphasizing that someone else goaded you into it, or that you were reacting to someone else’s foul behavior. That’s their sin, their issue. You own your responses and choices.

Repent

Far too many people a talk about the idea of repentance while holding a misguided view of what repentance is. There is a widespread impression that repentance means feeling bad and/or saying, “I’m sorry.” While both of those may be involved, neither of those is an accurate definition of repentance. Repentance involves change. I stop doing A and begin doing Z. I stop thinking this way and begin thinking that way. Coming to Christ without a radical life change is not coming to Christ at all. Jesus taught…

Bear fruit in keeping with repentance. – Matthew 3:8

Ask Forgiveness

Several years ago, while attending a speaker conference in Arizona, I made a request of a friend and in doing so, unknowingly put her in a difficult, awkward position. When I later realized what I’d done, I pulled my friend aside and began apologizing, tears in my eyes, genuinely sorrowful for what I’d done. When my friend saw how my gut was in knots over this, with a tone of deep concern and urgency, she leaned forward, grabbed both of my arms, looked me straight in the eye, and said both loudly and firmly, “I forgive you!” I was completely taken aback by that response. Not only did I not get to the point of asking for her forgiveness, I was not aware of how deeply I needed to be forgiven, how much I needed to hear those words, “I forgive you.”

Having owned our sin and repented of it, we need to ask for forgiveness of all those we have wronged, especially God. On the human side of that equation, we may or may not get the forgiveness we seek. We can’t control that, but we have total control over the asking.

1. Exodus 10:16
2. 2 Corinthians 7:10