Gridlock of Grief — Grateful, yet Grieving
Living in Southern California for most of my adult life, I’ve been stuck in traffic on numerous occasions. The north/south corridor between Camp Pendleton and San Diego is frequently a source of congestion. When driving home a few years ago, what normally would have taken 50 minutes took almost three hours.
It was gridlock; stop, then go a little ways, then stop again and move forward a little at a time.
At times, our grief can feel like gridlock: forward, then back, then stop, then move a little forward. In my early months after my husband died suddenly, I felt like I was on an elevator that had jolted down the shaft and would stop and start as I eventually made my way back up. There were moments of coming to a complete stop to catch my breath. Then there would be moments of bewilderment and sorrow.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, grief expert, says, “I have had the privilege of meeting hundreds of widows and widowers in my decades as a grief counselor. They come to me with their stories of loss—and, ultimately, healing—and I bear witness. They want you to know that you will survive. How? Through actively and openly expressing your grief, one day at a time. If you mourn well, over time and with the support of others, your grief will soften. No, it will never end, but your grief will become less sharp and all-consuming. You can go forward in your life with meaning and purpose.”
The hope found in Dr. Wolfelt’s words offers us a sense of unlocking the gridlock as we process, express, feel, name, and give time and attention to our grief. I appreciate how he phrases, “mourn well.” At first glance, it sounds strange and unwelcome. However, giving our grief space and time opens the door to healing and growth. Because we loved well, we can “mourn well.”
