From Miscarriage to Miracle: How Worship Carried Me Through — Carol McLeod Ministries

A Note from Carol: One of the greatest joys of my ministry is introducing you to voices that inspire us to love Jesus more deeply. Today, I’m honored to share Myshel Wilkins with you—a gifted worship leader, songwriter, and speaker whose life radiates the beauty of trusting God through every season. Myshel carries a powerful testimony of faith, healing, and perseverance, reminding us that even in our darkest moments, God is faithful. Her words and music invite us to draw near to the heart of the Father, to worship through the pain, and to discover the deep joy that comes from walking closely with Him.

“Congratulations… you’re pregnant!”

My husband and I were thrilled and began planning for our sweet gift to arrive. Weeks later, we went to the doctor and marveled at the sound of a heartbeat — a life growing within. Several weeks after, we went for another check-up, only to hear that our little one’s heartbeat was undetectable.

My husband began to weep and pleaded for the nurse to check again. She did — but there was no change. I felt completely numb. As we pulled out of the driveway to head home, the radio was turned down, but I could read the title of the song that was playing. It read:
“Count It All Joy.”

I remember feeling irritated, yet I couldn’t take my eyes off those words. I thought, Who wrote this ridiculous verse? What do you mean, count it ALL joy? Have they ever gone through anything truly painful??

James 1:2–4
“Count it all joy whenever you face various trials, because the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.”

I realized that I was not seeing this Scripture — in that moment — by accident. I could sense the Lord inviting me to trust Him in the dark.

Now, may I share with you the battle that ensued for my attention in those next few moments before the smoke finally cleared? In that moment, I knew I had to decide what I was going to do with this Jesus I professed was so amazing… right in the middle of this pain — with a gigantic, unanswered “why” staring me in the face.

Would I worship Him through the losses, or blame Him for allowing them in the first place and draw the conclusion that God isn’t as good as He claims to be? (I would never say that out loud, but it would definitely become an unspoken belief nestled deep within my soul.)

Although I’d still go to church, attend the women’s conference, and prayer groups — I’d even continue to serve in ministry — that seed of doubt, that thought that God is actually unfair, would instruct my heart to take several steps back from the Lord and slow my pursuit of Him. Because, quite frankly, I felt like He had indeed let me down. I was gravely disappointed.

Now, many of you would say, “Oh, but that’s normal.” Yes, it is common to walk through these feelings, but never live there. I’d then have to ask — normal according to whom? What normal do you live by? The normal according to the Kingdom of God or the normal of this world? Y’all, there is a difference. Especially in the way we grieve.

1 Thessalonians 4 reminds us that we should not grieve like the world grieves — as those who have no hope.

In addition to this, I found some interesting things lurking in my heart that I hadn’t noticed when life was good. Feelings like, “I don’t deserve this, I’m a good person,” exploded in my thoughts. What about all those women who mistreat their children and are having babies left and right? Why would You withhold this good thing from me when You said in Your Word You wouldn’t?

Can I just be honest? A nasty, slimy sense of entitlement came pouring from my heart toward God. Thoughts like, How could this happen to me? I serve You! I’m a good person — so how could You let this happen to me?

That was the moment I realized the enemy was trying to hitchhike on the back of my grief and sow seeds of discord between me and the Lord. Listen — in every trial you’ll ever face, one of two things will be glorified through your life: the lies of the enemy or the truth of Jesus Christ. We decide.

I began to repent and said, “Okay Lord, show me how to walk through this Your way.”

I’m a worshiper, so the only thing I knew to do was start humming. I didn’t feel like worshiping, but I pressed through — and after some time, I could feel the anointing and comfort of the Lord ushering me into deeper worship.

(I usually don’t share this part of my testimony, but I will today.)

CeCe Winans and her husband were our pastors at the time. They were so excited about us having a baby, so we called them and told them what had happened. They were at our house in fifteen minutes. Pastor Alvin prayed over us, and CeCe stood up, stretched out her arms, and sang over us like she was standing on the stage at Carnegie Hall.

After they left, I continued to worship for a total of six hours. I just sat in His presence for most of the day. The anointing was overwhelming. The worship became a force field that quenched the arrows the enemy had attempted to throw. I was strengthened, and healing came to my mind and heart.

I told the Lord that if He never revealed the “why,” I would not slow my pace in Him — that I’m not going anywhere. You are my God, and I am Your beloved forever. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

The next day, I got up and went to the store to buy two onesies. I can’t explain it, but I believed that I would have children — not a child, but children. I bought two onesies, put them in my closet, and would say, “I can’t wait to meet you, sweet one. Oh, I can’t wait to hold you, because indeed I will.” I contended for my children.

Why was this experience important? Why did I have to count it all joy, pass this test, and allow it to mature me — positioning me to stand in faith for my children to manifest? Because I didn’t know that I would have seven more miscarriages. A total of eight.

That “count-it-all-joy” moment was the seed that would grow until I miraculously gave birth to my two sons — who this year will be eight and four.

I want to pray for those who have lost children. I want to pray for a deep healing that strengthens your walk with the Lord. I pray that those who feel guilt and shame will cling strongly to the Lord and His liberating truth. Some need to forgive those who said some pretty dumb things when you were hurting. Some need to release the grudge they’ve held against the Lord. I also want to pray for those who desire children — that God would bless your womb to bear fruit or open up a beautiful adoption story for your family. The Lord knows the steps He has ordained for you and your family to walk through.

Lastly, I want to pray that if there is any lie the enemy successfully planted within your heart during your grief, it would be uprooted and burned out by the fire of the Holy Spirit.

PRAYER:
Father, in the matchless name of Jesus — we don’t have to look up but look over at You, because we are praying from the place where we are seated in heavenly places with You. We have linked our hearts together and approach Your throne with the confidence of deeply loved daughters. My strength — in You I have my being.

Hebrews 4:16
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Lord, I pray for a deep heart healing to take place for every woman who has lost a child — a healing that saturates.

Jehovah Rapha, my Healer, I declare that every stronghold over every life in this room — every lie of the enemy — be uprooted and utterly obliterated by the dunamis power released by the name of Jesus Christ, our risen Savior.

I speak 100% agreement with the Word of God that says, “We shall decree a thing, and it shall be established in heaven.” Therefore, beloved, I proclaim that you will prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. I pray that our faith will be fortified by Your truth and Kingdom perspective.

In the name of Jesus, we receive Your healing as Your Word is manifested — in moments of grief, in our emotions, our minds, our physical bodies, our hearts, and our wombs. For those who desire to conceive — that they shall conceive strong and healthy children whom they may raise in the fear of the Lord. Oh Lord, as You did it for me, do it for them!

I also pray for those going through the adoption process — move every roadblock, distraction, and delay aside. Make their way straight and smooth. I speak expedient favor over the process in Jesus’ name.

Lord, give us the heart to forgive others, ourselves, and even to repent for harboring bitterness against You, Lord. Forgive us if we thought we were too good in our own eyes to have to go through such a trial. Lord, we will no longer think it strange but allow You to beautifully escort us through every tough moment with unwavering faith — declaring all the way that You are still good and worthy to be praised.

Myshel Wilkins
myshelwilkins.com
@myshelmusic

In this episode of the Significant Women podcast, Carol McLeod sits down with worship leader, speaker, and author Myshel Wilkins. Myshel opens her heart about the pain of infertility and loss, sharing how worship became her anchor in the hardest moments. She talks about the influence of her childhood, the challenge of forgiving when it feels impossible, and the strength it takes to keep believing God’s promises when disappointment lingers.