A Secure Man Will Not Hinder His Wife. - Impacting Righteously

A secure husband does not interfere with his wife being who God created her to be. A secure wife also will not interfere with her husband in this way either. It is a common scenario that some women get married and their husband suffers from some kind of insecurity when it comes to her career success or spiritual gifting.

Specifically, a godly husband will not hinder his wife’s God-given talents, gifts, and contributions. However, pride cannot receive, and the prideful person can have a very difficult time receiving. They sometimes perceive themselves as having no need of others. They may view themselves as being above others.

The prideful person is prone to believing it is all or mainly about them, and things should be centered around them. For them, it is competition. They may find it very difficult to partner with someone in decision-making. These types want to preside in a one-man (or one-woman) show.

Deep-rooted insecurity often plagues a proud person. He or she may feel insulted as if they are being attacked or may feel inadequate when receiving input and contributions from their partner. Being humble instead of lofty-minded will cancel out this issue. Walking in love, instead of pride will cancel out this issue.

Some religious groups encourage women to pander to pride and fragile egos, but is this right? People are supposed to be humble.

“For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Romans 12: 3

A woman should be humble and have a healthy respect for her husband. She should be gentle when it comes to his ego. She should be affirming. To actually cater to his pride is something different entirely. Some of the religious people encourage Christian women to tip-toe around and pander to the fragile ego and pride of their men.

In this case, the focus has been placed on maintaining the comfort of the proud individual. Is it really a sign of godliness to be so touchy that one’s spouse cannot contribute something without the other feeling insulted, disrespected, challenged, or invalidated? Can’t a person make a request or acknowledge a concern without being accused of nagging?

I have pondered it and believe that excess touchiness and a generally unreceptive attitude towards one’s spouse is not of God. This is why it is important for me to be observant and have standards and boundaries- before marriage. I have negotiables and non-negotiables, when it comes to what I am looking for. The word of God is my blueprint. I keep this in mind:

The husband and wife are a team; not opponents. A wife should be fully allowed to be the helper that God created her to be.

It would be impossible for me to have a healthy relationship with a person who has a need-of- nothing, rejecting attitude. How could we communicate effectively and work together as a husband and wife team? God is a God of unity and relationship. When a man and woman marry, the two become one. God has given both spouses something to bring to the table in marriage.

Relationships should be purposeful. For Christians, their relationships should glorify God. This is whether it is a friendship, their relationship with a relative, a spouse, or whatever kind of relationship it is.

Many understand that God has set up the family with the husband being head of the wife. What does that mean? Based on people’s private, personal, or spiritual perspectives, this divine order is interpreted in various ways.

One problem is having a human-based perspective. Some people insert fleshy insinuations about the purpose or meaning of headship and submission. They apply the word of God in their life accordingly. Their belief system affects their relationships and their lives in general.

Headship is a responsibility, rather than an entitlement or license to be selfish.

• A husband or wife may falsely believe that the husband being head means he and his opinions are more important than the wife and her opinions.

• They may mistakenly believe that God made the husband the head, because God wants the man to have his way, and doesn’t care as much about what the woman wants.

• The reality that is missed by these perspectives is that headship is a position of responsibility and servitude; not entitlement and selfishness.

• The responsibilities of the head include protection, demonstrating selfless love, all around provision, and leading by righteous example, etc.

• As head, the husband’s responsibility does not include stunting his wife from being who God created her to be.

God’s delegation of the responsibility of headship to a husband does not cancel out the fact that God equips the wife with gifts, talents, insight, and wisdom for His glory.

This means that in a God-glorifying and healthy marriage, this is understood. The husband in the right situation is not insecure. He is humble and understands that he is not authorized by God to try to stunt his wife’s God-given gifts and talents.

Having the fear of God should help him not to do such a thing as well. He must remember that he is married to God’s daughter. God has instructed him on how to treat His daughter.

Likewise, God has instructed the wife on how to treat His son. Both husband and wife should remember that it is not about them, but it is about God.

True understanding, acceptance, and application of God’s word is of the utmost importance in a godly marriage.

Unfortunately, deception, misunderstandings, pride, delusions, and rebellion affect belief systems and behaviors. Some people seem to believe that they have permission to hijack the word of God. They believe that they can hijack God’s design, and make it into what they want it to be.

Such a husband may believe he has the right and ability to change his wife’s personality and make her into what he wants her to be, based on his insecurity and or selfishness.

This is instead of celebrating, accepting, and encouraging his wife to be all God created her to be. This happens instead of him honoring what God is doing in her and through her. I am not speaking at all of a husband honoring his wife’s sin. It is also a husband’s duty to love God and his wife enough to address her sin.

Ladies should be careful. Be aware of the varying interpretations and applications of God’s commands. Know what you’re getting into when becoming involved with someone. Even moreso, know what you are getting into when you agree to marry someone.

I must be very careful and pray for guidance when it comes to who I marry. God is not confusion.

He will not send His daughter a husband who attempts to disable her as she attempts to fulfill her God-given purpose.

God will not ordain a marriage between a husband and wife where one spouse will be at odds with, and attempting to prevent the other from doing God’s will. If a woman meets a man who is at odds with her spiritual gifts, this is confusion.

I say this based on observation. An insecure man may try to limit his woman, suppressing what she does and says, based on what he feels comfortable with. If this is the case, he is not the right man for her.

God is not the author of confusion. The woman should pray and pay close attention to any opposition and insecurities in her man before marriage. The signs are typically there, and will be seen when someone pays attention.

Still, if a Christian woman chooses to marry this kind of man, she should be prepared to peacefully honor his leadership according to Ephesians 5: 22-24. Open, honest communication about God-given callings, purpose and aspirations for both people should take place before marriage.

Determine whether or not you stand in agreement in key areas before marrying someone.

People should understand that there are fundamental areas that they must be in agreement on, or it will not work out. Ignoring warning signs and not having discussions on the fundamental matters can result in big problems within a marriage.

Of course, not all Christian men will try to interfere with what God is doing in and through their wife. However, there are some insecure men who have a very fleshy and misogynistic view of God’s order in the home, and of gender roles.

It is of the utmost importance to be able to be myself around others, including my spouse.

I know of one woman who is gifted in certain areas, and her husband is insecure and has stunted her throughout all of the decades of their marriage. How sad! There are ways that she could have been a blessing to others. The recipients would have greatly benefited from her gifts. However, her husband’s insecurity caused him to be rejecting of her desire to help others.

Also, I remember visiting a church and the guest singer had a beautiful voice. I was talking with someone who was in regular attendance at the church and had her this lady sing before. She informed me that the guest singer was restraining herself compared to usual. The lady’s husband was in attendance that day.

She told me she thought that the woman was trying to be “submissive” to her husband by not letting loose in worship. Imagine not being able to be yourself when your husband is around! Imagine singing with all you have and praising the Lord any other time, but thinking you have to hold back because your husband is around.

I don’t know exactly what was going on between the couple at the church. Her husband may or may not have been the issue. I am speaking in general. Why should one’s worship and praise to God be altered based on the presence of their spouse?

Regardless of the reason this particular lady apparently restrained herself, I do know some other Christian women have similar behaviors, carrying themselves differently around their husband. Why? God knows why a woman suppresses herself around her husband, even when she is not doing anything wrong.

God gives freedom. The Christian life should be about pleasing God. Yet, in some situations, people are catering to the pride, insecurity, and issues of others.

A healthy person shouldn’t desire to control another. The controlling spirit is a spirit of witchcraft. Women need to understand to look out for red flags and warning signs before marriage.

I have observed these problems. However, I wasn’t really warned about these things prior to my experiences and observations. I am glad to be aware and observant now. I have my own experiences dealing with other’s insecurity and have seen some other women’s experiences.

Unfortunately, some of these women have already married into these situations. I like to talk about these issues and hopefully present these points to women who have not yet married.

Should a woman have to suppress and restrain who she is, even when she is not doing anything wrong? No! Christian women should be careful to make sure they are not becoming involved with someone if they cannot be the person that God created them to be around that person.

^“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3: 3.