8 Signs Your Husband Struggles with Low Self-Esteem - Olubunmi Mabel

We often find low self-esteem in men unforgivable, especially in relationship contexts, and I get it. 

But it is not always as ominous as we make it seem; I am speaking in terms of the man in question. 

He might not be a bad man in the sense of it, but he has just been dealt a poor hand that makes him have a poor sense of self.

However, it is unhealthy for your husband to struggle with low self-esteem. 

Whether consciously or unconsciously, a husband struggling with low self-esteem might react in ways that will eventually not work for the marriage. 

That is why it is important to know when your husband struggles with low self-esteem so you can address it and help him overcome it. 

1. He constantly criticizes you.

I know I said that a husband with low self-esteem is not always ominous, but I also mentioned that he will still have attitudes that can potentially break the marriage down. 

That said, one sign of someone with low self-esteem is that they may criticize the person next to them. 

This criticism is not really about you but a reflection of his own insecurities. 

People with low self-esteem sometimes project their inner dissatisfaction onto those closest to them, and criticism becomes a defense mechanism. 

He feels inadequate, so pointing out your flaws is a way to make him feel slightly better about himself. 

Like I said, it could be subconscious, but it doesn’t change the fact. 

The way this works is that finding flaws in you is a way for him to convince himself that nothing is wrong with him. 

After all, if you are flawed, there is nothing wrong with him being imperfect. 

Understand that this is not even about you being imperfect because we all are, but he is not comfortable enough in his skin to accept them, so he needs to point to someone else’s to feel better. 

Remember that this often has more to do with his internal struggles than with you. 

2. He lives on comparison.

Chances are a man who’s always measuring his life against others feels he doesn’t measure up. 

You know he doesn’t only relate with you – he also relates with others, so the comparison will not only be with you. 

It will be something he lives on with everyone around him, especially his peers or those with similar circumstances. 

You will see that he compares himself with you, your neighbor, his colleagues, his friends, and yours (especially male friends). 

Even family is not spared. 

He will compare cars, jobs, homes, personality, character, or even relationships. 

This constant need to compare oneself to everybody and everything points to a deeper feeling of inadequacy. 

He needs to mention what everyone else is doing, buying, or achieving because his self-worth depends on one-upping everyone around him. 

3. He puts himself down.

While some husband will want to one-up everybody else, some hide their lack of self-esteem in self-deprecating humor. 

It can even sometimes be lighthearted, but if he constantly puts himself down, it might be a red flag. 

When he speaks negatively about himself – his looks, intelligence, or abilities – chances are he might truly believe these things deep down. 

Of course, not every self-deprecating joke shows low self-esteem; some might not mean anything. 

The point to note here is frequency. 

If someone does it occasionally, it might not mean anything. 

But when it is constant, it likely points to something deeper. 

You will find that he does more when someone compliments him. 

He doesn’t believe it—or thinks they are indirectly mocking him—so he may add self-criticism to balance the compliment. 

4. He lacks confidence.

It takes having self-esteem to have confidence. 

When a man lacks confidence, it often signals low self-esteem. 

This can manifest in several ways. 

He may shy away from taking risks, avoid social gatherings, or seem overly cautious in unfamiliar situations. 

It is because he doesn’t believe in himself, so he constantly second-guesses his choices or needs excessive reassurance from you. 

You might notice that he hesitates to take on new challenges, even when he has the skills or experience to succeed. 

He will likely minimize his abilities and hesitate to take up things that you know he is good at.

When your husband does this often, he could struggle with low self-esteem.

5. He overcompensates.

When people struggle with self-worth, they might overcompensate by showing off or trying to prove themselves. 

They feel inadequate, so they feel an incessant need to ensure that everyone around them doesn’t feel the same way about them. 

Therefore, you are likely to find him flaunting his material possessions, constantly bragging, or exaggerating his achievements. 

He will also want to do things – even those he is not good at – to earn your respect. 

For instance, if he constantly tries to do handy things even when he makes a mess of them, this might point to something deeper. 

Of course, this is different from people who like experimenting or are frugal and, therefore, lean more toward DIY. 

You know the difference when you point out his inability to achieve the task.

Does he react more aggressively to show you he can or does he play along with the teasing while still going ahead to show you?

If it’s the former, he is likely insecure and needs grand gestures to feel adequate. 

6. He asserts dominance.

Another sign that your husband might struggle with low self-esteem is that he feels a need to control others to regain a sense of power. 

If your husband is frequently assertive to the point of being domineering, it could be because he feels unsure or inadequate in other areas of his life. 

You will see it in how he talks to you, makes decisions, and handles conflicts. 

He will want to be the major decision-maker, even on issues that are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. 

You will often hear things like, “I am the man; my decision is final.”

“I am the head of this home; you must do as I say.”

These statements often mask a fragile sense of self-worth, where controlling situations or people makes him feel more secure.

7. He hates correction.

Most people don’t like correction, to be honest. 

It always hits at the sense of inadequacy that everyone has deep down. 

That’s why you hear people say the truth is bitter. 

However, when someone is more secure, they tend to accept it in good faith even though it is not pleasant to hear. 

But, someone with low self-esteem might react defensively, even angrily, to feedback. 

If your husband takes suggestions personally, it could be because he already feels like he’s not good enough, and criticism can exacerbate that insecurity. 

He becomes so sensitive that it is difficult for him to accept feedback, as he perceives it as confirmation of his fears. 

8. He is possessive.

Mild jealousy is normal and even healthy in a relationship; possessiveness is not. 

When someone doubts their self-worth, they may feel that they don’t truly deserve love or that others might take away what they have. 

So, they often become possessive in relationships. 

If your husband gets overly jealous or anxious about losing you, interpreting innocent interactions as threats to your marriage, it could be insecurity. 

A husband like this will feel the need to monitor or control aspects of your life to reassure himself. 

Although possessiveness can stem from fear rather than malice, it can still strain your relationship, which is what I said at the start of this post. 

Low self-esteem is not always malicious, but it can break down a marriage. 

If you notice several of these signs, you need to address them immediately so they don’t eventually affect your marriage.