7 Things Married Men Confide Only To Their Mistresses - Olubunmi Mabel

Infidelity has become a big deal in our world.

It’s all over the news, making headlines: wives cheating on their husbands, husbands cheating on their wives, and couples cheating on each other at the same time.

It’s everywhere.

So, even while we want to ignore it and talk about the beautiful side of marriage, infidelity cannot be ignored.

When married men involve themselves in extramarital affairs, those relationships often involve a lot of lies and skulduggery.

While they may lie to their wives and withdraw emotionally, they may find comfort in the arms of their mistresses.

There are certain things that married men who cheat only confide in their mistresses, and some of these things can offer a glimpse into his marriage and his life in general.

Here are some things married men confide only to their mistresses:

1. Their unhappy marriage

One thing I have noticed about men who cheat is that most of them are always full of tales of woe about their marriages.

They usually have one story or the other to tell about how unhappy their marriages are.

For some of them, it is actually true.

If you are wondering, a mistress will get an earful of how unhappy he is in his marriage.

He will spend long hours talking about his sad marriage to his mistress.

For some men, it is just a way to justify their actions.

For others, it is a way of getting it off their minds.

They are truly sad in their marriage and may have no other outlet for expressing their sadness.

He says things like, “I am no longer happy in my marriage” or “My wife doesn’t appreciate me.”

Regardless of how he puts it, when a married cheats, he confides in his mistress about the state of his marriage.

He does this to elicit sympathy and create a bond.

So, if you have watched so many movies and feel like being a mistress is all about vacations and flashy gifts, you are in for a surprise.

You should also be prepared to be the shoulder he cries on when he talks about his unhappiness in his marriage.

2. Their fear of being alone

I think another thing that pushes people into cheating is their fear of being alone.

Growing up, men in my community were polygamous.

Their reason for this was that if you had many wives, at least one would still be alive to care for you in old age. 

It was their retirement plan to marry plenty of wives to avoid loneliness in old age.

It is a weird and silly mentality.

But I feel like many of those men were so scared of living alone.

This made them hedge their bets by marrying many wives.

Now, this is not a case for polygamy.

Instead, I am shedding some light on a common fear among men.

When a man cheats on his wife with his mistress, he may have fears that his mistress will leave him alone later on.

And so he expresses this fear to her, asking her to stay with him because he “loves” her.

For me, it doesn’t ring true when a cheating married man says he loves his mistress.

I mean, he said the same thing to his wife several times and still cheated.

However, many men get so entangled with their mistresses that they can’t imagine their lives without them, and hence, they tell them about their fear of abandonment because they need reassurance.

3. Their guilt

Only the most hardened criminals devoid of any trace of conscience can cheat on their wives without feeling guilty.

Guilt is one of the packages that comes hand in hand with cheating.

While some other men have their ways of dealing with guilt and forgetting that what they are doing is wrong, others may need to talk about it to someone.

Since speaking to their wives is definitely not an option, the next person to talk to is their mistress.

Married men usually confide in their mistresses when they are feeling guilty.

Why they do this is a mystery because I am very sure they don’t expect their mistress to tell them to stop the affair and focus on their wives.

However, I believe their reason may be the fact that they need someone to help them rationalize and feel better about themselves even though they are cheating.

I mean, their mistresses can’t afford to be judgemental.

They are practically in the same shoes.

In these moments of vulnerability, a married man may talk about his guilt by saying things like “I don’t know who I am anymore” or “I feel like a monster.”

This is his way of getting some comfort from his mistress.

4. Their wives’ flaws

When men cheat, they usually do so because they feel like their mistresses have something their wives don’t.

Many married men usually highlight how different their mistresses are from their wives.

They may say things like “You are so different from my wife” or “Unlike my wife, you are so much fun to be around”.

Regardless of their exact words, one thing married men talk to their mistress about is their wives’ flaws.

A cheating husband may say things like “My wife doesn’t know how to cook” or “She doesn’t even know how to dress well” to justify his cheating on his wife.

These comparisons may seem flattering and funny to you as a mistress, but the truth is that you should be bothered about them.

You should be bothered that a married man has no scruples cheating on his wife.

You should be bothered that he finds it easy to bad mouth his wife in front of people who probably don’t know her (you).

5. The unappreciative behavior of their wives

One of the things married men tell their mistresses is how neglected and unappreciated they are in their marriage.

He sounds like a martyr who has been bearing the persecutions and trials of a terrible marriage.

Married men usually confide feelings of neglect or lack of appreciation from their wives.

They might say, “She doesn’t understand me,” or “She takes me for granted,” to justify their infidelity.

But the fact is that nothing can ever make infidelity right.

If you are tired of your relationship and feel it can’t be fixed, walking away is better.

Back to what I was talking about…

Married men who cheat usually talk to their mistresses a lot about how their wives don’t understand or appreciate them at all.

This could make the mistress feel like she is satisfying an unmet need in his life with her attention.

6. Their finances

For the most part, men having extramarital affairs talk about their finances with their mistresses more than with their wives.

Perhaps this is because they are no longer invested in their marriage.

They no longer get gifts for their wives.

They barely do anything in the house except contribute the barest minimum for the upkeep of the family.

As a kid, I saw a lot of movies about cheating.

And for the most part, they made it look like the mistresses were in it for the money.

So, there would always be this scene where the lady asked him for some money, and the man replied that he was expecting some money soon.

These movies portray the actual reality: married men who cheat usually love to boast about their financial status to their mistresses.

Mistresses know more about men’s finances than their wives.

They know when things are going well for the man financially, and things turn for the worse, they usually bail out on him.

7. Their plans to exit their marriage

One of the most common things married men tell their mistresses is that they are tired of their marriage and plan to leave it soon.

They can’t confide this in their wives for apparent reasons.

Hence, the obvious option is the mistresses.

Many married men usually promise to leave their wives for their mistresses with time.

They urge their mistresses to be patient while they work out the “logistics” of exiting their marriage.

This is usually a ploy to keep their mistresses hopeful and fully invested in the affair.

However, some of them may be serious about leaving their marriages.

But I ask ladies in this situation, “Is this the kind of man you want to get married to?”

A cheating married man has already proven that he isn’t trustworthy by cheating on his wife.

What are the odds that he will be different when he is married to you?

I can tell you for free that the odds are not favorable.

There are many things married men confide only to their mistresses.

The exclusivity of the information may make the mistresses feel special, but there is nothing special about their position in life.

My dear lady, resist the urge to be moved by the flowery words of a married man.

If you are already in an affair, find a way to end it.

That guilt you feel?

That’s your conscience calling out to you.

Don’t smother it.

No matter how romantic he is with you, it doesn’t change the fact that you are involved in an affair with a married man.

I repeat you are having an affair!

And they usually don’t have happy endings.

Dear married men, do the right thing from now on.

You know what the right thing is.

Do it!